2023: No Chickening Out

I may have done the New Year wrong.

First, I worked my butt off the week after Christmas to get Chaos Terminal into my editor before the new year. I wanted to enjoy my vacation, which was Dec 31-Jan 6. We went to the beach with some friends for an excellent week. I love the beach in the winter. It’s empty and cold. Despite being a Leo, I’m not fond of the sun. I burn a lot and I hate smearing goopy sunscreen all over myself.

So Monday, January 9, that’s when I start the new year right, right? Nope. I had to do some family things. And then, while finishing my book, I also promised myself I would clean my desk when I was done. This took most of Tuesday but it was worth it.

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I didn’t clean the whole desk, but really the biggest issue was the right hand side and the obstacle course of stuff on the floor I had to run in order to simply sit down.

Tuesday, I also got my kiddo ready for her trip to Ireland, which included mother-daughter hair coloring and last minute shopping trips for essentials. Luckily she got off to Dublin a few hours before the computer error grounded ALL THE FLIGHTS for Jan 11th.

(She was already prepped for airport, which included navigating the mask elastic around alllll that hair, so I didn’t make her take it off.)

Wednesday, a migraine hit. I’ve been useless since then. Now it’s Friday, I have done exactly two livestreams for the new year, I’m behind on podcasts, and getting depressed because I’m managing the migraine with meds, but it’s not going away, and I will eventually run out of meds. I’m seeing my physical therapist on Monday. Cross your fingers for me!

Still, while I haven’t done a lot of work, I have done a lot of thinking for the new year. I’ve worked on some scripts and some fiction ideas, this morning I sent about six book ideas to my agent, and I’m planning out the podcasts for the year. My biggest issue is…

Chickening out

I have two problems: ADHD and self doubt. I get a GREAT idea. Then I wonder, “Am I getting this idea because I’m bored with what I’m doing and my brain is trying to distract itself?” And then if I consider it actually a viable and good idea, I wonder, “Do I have the time to do this or will I flame out because I don’t have the bandwidth to fit it into my life?” And then, probably to make myself feel better for not having the time/energy, I discount the idea* and think, “Meh, it probably was a stupid idea anyway.”

The last part is the worst, because I know I’m chickening out. So much of the past few years have been second guessing and chickening out. Thus, my motto for 2023 is no chickening out.

I’m trying to take inspiration from Ze Frank and The Show (from 2006, which makes me feel SO F’N OLD I CAN’T EVEN), where he did one short video every weekday for a year. And these were not crappy videos.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/0sHCQWjTrJ8

Ze Frank’s The Show from July, 2006. Explicit language.

This specific episode is my favorite. I watch it whenever I get hesitant about making something new. (Long time fans might catch the inspiration for idea addiction in the Afterlife series.)

Then again, my problem is I do a LOT of different things. If I dedicated myself to one intensive creative thing a day (like, say, a daily podcast/video/story) then what would happen to everything else (my novels, livestreams, podcasts, etc)?

Part of me is secretly wondering if the above is just an excuse and I COULD think of something if I tried. I will ponder on this.

More inspiration from Ze Frank: 5 Lessons in Creativity from the Return of Ze Frank — hey, does anyone know what he’s been up to since 2019? The Internet is quiet about this.

Travel/Appearances for the first half of 2023!

I’m attending:

• Boskone in Boston, MA February 17-19
• Nebula weekend (tentatively) in Anaheim, CA May 12-14
• She Podcasts Live! in Washington D.C. June 19-22

I want to attend PAX East in March, but it’s not looking likely.

Personal news

Dog: Rosa got her second knee surgery in December, and we met with vet rehab yesterday to talk about getting her back in shape. Her hindquarters are atrophied horribly because of both injuries, and we have to build up muscle as we reduce fat (not fat shaming, but little to no exercise can cause a dog to put on weight that hurts the shiny new knees). I’m going to be trying to fit her rehab appointments into my upcoming weeks.

Health: I’m getting my first colonoscopy this month. (Don’t groan at the TMI: I’m almost 50, and everybody should get cancer screening.) I got my “clean you out” kit that you have to start imbibing a few days before the procedure, and was part amused, part concerned that the prep information DOES say “gather reading materials” but does NOT say “…and don’t make other plans.” I’m pretty sure that the average person who doesn’t know someone who’s experienced this will need more obvious statements of “you’re going to be on the toilet a lot during this time” than “gather reading materials.”

Crisis: As I said above, I turn 50 this year. We shall see if this elicits some kind of crisis.

Blaseball: The baseball horror sim game Blaseball is back! I am excited about this, and one of my “don’t chicken out” things is to do a Blaseball livestream where I will call games and do color commentary about the players. Joey T. Badger and Numbersninja may drop in and guest star from time to time. It’s called the Seventh Inning Soulscream, and it will be live Thursdays nights on Twitch.

Streaming: Speaking of, here is my tentative Twitch schedule for the winter:

• Monday
  3pm - Ditch Diggers/game stream alternating weeks. (Matt returns for an every other week podcast!)
• Tuesday
  3pm - ISBW Barcon, a live recording for Patreon supporters
• Wednesday
  3pm - Gaming! Ducks, Stardew, who knows?
• Th: 3pm - I Should Be Writing
  7pm - Seventh Inning Soulscream (Blaseball)

And that’s the news! Thanks for reading, and be sure to forward it to anyone who you think would like it! Remember you can get my books signed and personalized from Flyleaf Books in Chapel Hill, NC, and find all the links to all my things at murverse.com!

Stay safe, stay kind:

Mur

* OMG, am I negging myself??

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